


three words that became hard to say (i & love & you)

by orphan_account



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: F/M, but not really since it's divergent, spoilers for 2x23 kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-15
Updated: 2015-05-15
Packaged: 2018-03-30 17:20:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3945238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Jake refuses to be Johnny, and Amy confronts him over it, because feelings are messy and unpredictable and neither of them have ever been good at facing their problems.</p>
            </blockquote>





	three words that became hard to say (i & love & you)

**Author's Note:**

> this is divergent in canon in that jake refuses to go undercover as amy's s.o. due to his ~*~* EMOTIONS *~*~

“Hey,” she says.

He’s in the evidence lock-up, idly flipping through files that she knows he isn’t reading. A sidelong glance before he looks back down at his files with a small: “Hey.”

“We caught him,” Amy continues, and it feels like a placeholder for something they both know they have to address but don’t ever want to. “We recovered the laptop.”

“Great,” Jake mumbles. “That’s – really, that’s great.”

And it’s awkward, _unbearably_ awkward, especially considering Jake can never let a second pass without filling it with dialogue, and Amy has to stride over to him and take the files from him. He looks up at her and there’s a flash of terror in his eyes, which is odd, because Jake Peralta doesn’t cower before loaded guns or impenetrable brick walls but he _does_ seem scared of her.

(Or, perhaps, not her, but the implication of her presence.)

“Can we talk about this?”

“About what?”

“You know what I mean,” Amy snaps, and there’s more than a hint of irritation prevalent in her voice. “About you dropping out from the case. What the hell happened, Jake? It was a gigantic inconvenience to everyone to have to – ”

“No, God, Amy,” Jake bursts out, and it’s practically a shout; he dials back immediately, putting a hand to his forehead as he regains his bearings.

Amy looks on in quiet patience.

“No, God. You don’t know how much – you don’t know how much I _like_ you, Amy.”

And there it is, the kicker – the thing that causes all the color to drain from Amy’s face and run down her back in rivulets that send shockwaves shooting up her spine.

He likes her.

Her heart is in her throat as she waits for him to keep talking. She _hopes_ that he keeps talking; she has no clue what she’d say. That she likes him more than she’s ever liked anyone? That he never fails to make her smile, inadvertently or not? That she wanted to do the case with him because she wanted to know what it would be like to date Jake Peralta? Gross. Never.

Jake looks as though he’s just told all the government’s secrets to Soviet spies. He continues on, fumblingly.

“I just – I didn’t want anything to happen between us undercover because I might think of it as something _real_ and that would just … screw everything up. And I _know_ that you’re – that you don’t feel that way anymore.”

It’s ridiculous, it is, watching this boy grapple with the pieces of his heart, and Amy draws herself up taller, retaliating: “You don’t know _how_ I feel, Jake. I don’t need you to walk on eggshells around me.”

“I know how you feel,” Jake say stubbornly, and Amy wants to punch him in the face or kiss him for several eons or both or neither. “You’ve made that pretty clear. And you know what? I’ve never believed in fate, but I guess fate doesn’t think we’d be good for each other, so let’s just stop talking about it.”

“I don’t want to stop talking about it,” Amy replies, and hates how plaintive she sounds. “Why are you so _scared,_ Jake?”

The look he gives her is full of disbelief as he says: “I’m not the one who was so scared of facing her own feelings that she went out with a guy she was bored of for _months.”_

“Teddy,” Amy says, and it’s just a statement, just a fact. And he’s right – for the longest time, Teddy was just her excuse. A way of denying her feelings to herself. Teddy was safe, trustworthy, had his own checking account. When it comes to matters of the heart, Amy has never been a risk-taker, and Teddy had never been a risk.

Jake, on the other hand.

He brushes past her, heads for the door, and Amy whips around, determined to get the last word. “What, so you’re just going to do what you always do? When the going gets tough, you just cut and run, right?”

Jake stops and looks back at her.

“Look who’s talking,” he says, and she’s sick of it – she’s sick to death of watching him leave.

Her hands are on his neck and his arms are around her waist before their lips ever meet and Amy is kissing Jake and Jake is kissing Amy and it’s a million shades of color, exploding between them, exploding around them. There’s a smile blooming on his face, she can feel it against her lips, but the desire to keep going is stronger than the temptation to hit him for being so cocky all the time.

When they break apart, he’s clutching her gently, as though he’s afraid he might hurt her, and she’s cradling his face in her hands with the kind of care that is usually only ever afforded a precious artifact.

“Was that real?” Jake whispers.

“Yeah,” Amy breathes back. “Real.”

 

“Why do you do that?” she asks, arms slung lazily over his shoulders.

“Do what?” he mumbles, planting kisses on her collarbone.

“Kiss me with your hands behind your back.”

“I’m scared of touching you,” he replies, and she believes him.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm not sure what that was???? was it alright or nah?????


End file.
